Practical Gentle Housekeeping for Better Peace in Your Space
Learn practical, gentle housekeeping strategies to create a functional home for better mental health and environmental wellness. Understand what gentle housekeeping might look like based on the wisdom shared in "How to Keep House While Drowning" by KC Davis. You are deserving of a space that brings you peace.
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Dear Spirited Earthling,
Life today often feels like a relentless balancing act. You're diving deep into inner work – mindfulness, gratitude, prayer – while also striving to be physically active, manage a full-time job, and make time for loved ones. Amidst all this, keeping your home tidy can feel like a monumental, often overwhelming, task. You might even feel like you're "trying to keep house while drowning."
Many people silently shame themselves (or are shamed by others) about their living space. Societal norms and ingrained beliefs often equate a perfectly tidy home with personal worthiness. But what if we shifted that perspective? What if we viewed caring for our home not as a moral obligation, but as an act of kindness towards ourselves?
This is the gentle wisdom shared by KC Davis (a therapist and mental health advocate) in her insightful book, How to Keep House While Drowning. Her core message is perhaps revolutionary in its simplicity: care tasks are morally neutral. This means not doing the dishes doesn't make you a bad person, falling behind on vacuuming doesn't make you a bad partner, and a mountain of unfolded laundry doesn't make you a bad parent. Davis encourages the reader to prioritise functionality over unattainable perfection, focusing on creating a space that serves you.
Gentle Housekeeping is a Path to Environmental Wellness
Your home is a key component of your environmental wellness, which encompasses every space you inhabit – your home, workspace, neighbourhood, and even nature. Many people are struggling through life, and keeping house falls down the list of priorities when you’re simply trying to survive. Through gentle housekeeping, you can create a better sense of peace in your space.
“In fact, I do not think laziness exists. You know what does exist? Executive dysfunction, procrastination, feeling overwhelmed, perfectionism, trauma, motivation, chronic pain, energy fatigue, depression, lack of skills, lack of support, and differing priorities.” ~ K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing
When your inner world is battling anxiety, depression, ADHD, or simply overwhelming stress, your living space can often reflect this. It becomes overwhelming to start, energy is scarce, and distractions are everywhere. As Davis emphasises, this isn't a mark on your value. This is simply a reflection of what you're going through, and her methods offer a compassionate way forward.
“No one ever shamed themselves into better mental health.” ~ K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing
What is Gentle Housekeeping?
Gentle housekeeping is what helped Davis keep house while she was drowning. Davis offers a clear blueprint to clean, clear, and organise a space, one focused task at a time. This method helps you avoid getting sidetracked and overwhelmed:
1. Remove All Trash
Grab a bin bag and put all rubbish into it. DO NOT start sorting it. This is the time for clearing.
“You can’t save the rain forest if you’re depressed” ~ K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing
2. Remove All Dishes
Take any used dishes from the area you're focusing on (like your bedside table or desk) to the kitchen. DO NOT start washing them or loading the dishwasher. Just bring them to the kitchen, then return to your primary space.
3. Pile Laundry
Third, have a clear laundry pile or two (to be washed, to be folded). DO NOT start doing laundry or folding. The goal is just to collect it in one place, and that doesn’t have to be where the washing machine is.
“You are not a failure because you can’t keep up with laundry. Laundry is morally neutral.” ~ KC Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning
4. Put Things in Their Home
Next, put away items that have a designated place.
“In conclusion: being messy is not a moral failing, tidy is simply a preference, organization is functional, and you deserve to function.” ~ K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing
5. Collect ‘Homeless’ Items
Gather all items that don't have a designated place and put them together in a temporary spot – a basket, a box, anything. DO NOT try to find "homes" for them right now.
“There are actually only 5 things in any room: (1) trash; (2) dishes; (3) laundry; (4) things that have a place and are not in their place; and (5) things that do not have a place.” ~ KC Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning
6. Wipe Down One Area (optional)
If you have a little extra energy, wipe down at least one surface in the room, such as your bedside table, dining table, or desk.
“You do not have to earn the right to rest, connect, or recreate. Unlearn the idea that care tasks must be totally complete before you can sit down. Care tasks are a never-ending list, and if you wait until everything is done to rest, you will never rest.” ~ K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning
Following these steps, your room will already feel less cluttered and more functional, without the paralysis of getting distracted by additional "chores" like a full sink of dishes or a mountain of laundry.
When you have the energy, think of ways that will make it easier to keep the room functional. Put a bin in the room so you don’t have to always walk to the kitchen. Have a clothes hamper or basket in the room instead of only the bathroom. Build the habit of putting things back after use.
Related read: What You Need To Know About The Art Of Spring-Cleaning The Soul
The Mindset around Gentle Housekeeping
Being gentle with yourself is paramount on this journey. You are doing the best you can, and you are far from alone. Thousands, if not millions, are experiencing similar struggles. You are no less valued, and no less worthy of love and respect. Here are some key mindsets to cultivate when practicing gentle housekeeping:
Kindness Over Criticism: Release the self-judgment that often accompanies the feeling of an untidy home. Speak kindly to yourself, encouraging yourself as you would a friend. Keep reminding yourself that your worth is inherent, regardless of the state of your home.
“Sometimes you may not get up even with the change in self-talk. But you know what? You weren’t getting up when you were being mean to yourself either, so at least you can be nice to yourself. No one ever shamed themselves into better mental health.” ~ K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning
[What to say when someone is criticising you] “The key for me being able to begin to run a functioning home was when I stopped talking to myself the way you are talking to me right now.” ~ KC Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning
Small Acts of Love: Each small act of care is a gentle offering of love to yourself. Unloading the dishwasher becomes an act of providing yourself with clean dishes. Tidying your bedside table, even with just the simple steps above, creates a calmer space for rest. These small gestures accumulate, creating a more nurturing environment. Remind yourself that you are loved, even if the voice in your head tries to convince you otherwise.
“You deserve kindness and love regardless of how good you are at care tasks.” ~ KC Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning
Honouring Your Energy: Routines can feel rigid. Instead, find your rhythm.
“Forget about creating a routine. You have to focus on finding your rhythm.” With routines you are either on track or not. With rhythm you can skip a beat and still get back in the groove.” ~ K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning
Recognise that your energy levels fluctuate. On days when you have more energy, you might tackle a larger task. On days when you feel depleted, even a five-minute tidy, focusing on clearing rubbish or dishes, can make a difference. Listen to your body and work with your current capacity. Showing up for yourself will look different each day, but you're still showing up.
“It’s stressful to try to summon up 100% motivation sitting on the couch. Let yourself use 5% motivation to do 5% of the task. Maybe you keep going. Maybe you don’t. That’s ok. Anything worth doing is worth doing partially.” ~ K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning
Creating Sacred Space: Consider what makes your home feel more like a safe place. Perhaps it's lighting a candle, playing calming music, or surrounding yourself with items that bring you joy. Bringing elements into your space that resonate with your spirit can help make it feel like a haven.
“Forget about what pop psychology did to the term self-care. All it means is to care for self. Your body, your mind, your space. And here is the great news: You do not have to care about yourself to care for yourself.” ~ KC Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning
Your home doesn’t have to be another battlefield. It can be a series of small, gentle victories. Remind yourself that your home doesn't have to be perfect to be a nurturing space. Respect your energy, and you will begin to feel a deeper peace in your space and within yourself.
“That is the life-changing result of internalising that you do not exist to serve your space, your space exists to serve you.” ~ K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning
Today, start cleaning a space - even if that’s only clearing the trash. One last thing to remember, the home is home to all who live in it. And it is up to all to keep it.
“When someone demands the benefits of being a part of a family but refuses responsibilities to that family of which they are capable, it’s a form of entitlement that exploits the other members of that family.” ~ K.C. Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning
What small act of kindness can you offer your home space today? How can you make it a little more supportive of your inner peace? Share your thoughts and your gentle housekeeping victories in the comments below!
Spirited Earthling is a cosy corner on the internet for all curious souls looking for wholesome personal growth tips and ideas. This blog can be your go-to place for encouragement and inspiration if you’re fascinated by who you're becoming, understand the power of taking care of yourself, and feel an inner pull to deepen your connection with self, the world, and a higher power. Simply said, Spirited Earthling is written and created for curious minds and spiritual hearts seeking meaning in everyday life.
My hope is that the weekly ideas and resources here will be a helpful nudge as you progress on your own personal growth journey. And hey, if something resonates, feel free to pass it along to another spirited earthling who might need a little lift on their path. We're all figuring it out as we go, learning and growing with each mindful step. Thank you, truly, for being here and for making this community what it is. Every read, share, and bit of support means the world to me.
Best wishes, warmest regards
Jordan
Get your copy of the book on Amazon US or Amazon DE. Watch KC Davis TedTalk.
Affirmation: I deserve care, and that includes a functional space, no matter its state.
To-do: Pick 1 of the 5 categories (trash, dishes, laundry, misplaced items, homeless items) and spend 5 minutes addressing just that category in one room. Continue with others if you can, rest if you can’t. Give yourself a high-five after.
Journal Prompts: What does my home need from me today to better support my peace?
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