Tracing My Creativity from Old Gnommish to an Unexpected PhD
Week 2 of The Artist’s Way had me tracing my creativity back to childhood, through documentaries, made-up languages, and a Tarot card’s message. Here’s how I’m learning to trust curiosity as my compass. An entry into my commonplace book: quotes, ideas, and observations I found interesting in the Week 2 chapter of The Artist’s Way.
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This was an interesting chapter. Much of it didn’t apply to me (thankfully). The parts that did were related to scepticism and attention. I’m not a sceptic. My upbringing was somewhat spiritually eclectic. So, I do see ‘coincidences’ as things aligning for the person experiencing them (through the workings of a higher power). One of the few lines that called me out on scepticism, was:
We’ve gotten brave enough to try recovery, but we don’t want the universe to really pay attention. We still feel too much like frauds to handle some success. When it comes, we want to go. ~ Julia Cameron. The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity.
And with wanting to come out of the shadows, and co-create with the Universe, one of my biggest takeaways from the part about attention was to get out of my head and into my body, the body that is present in the world. I am reminded that I am a human being (not a human overthinking). Maybe that’s why I love swimming, the water lets me feel my aliveness, not just think it.
This week, I asked my Tarot deck what message I needed to receive this week. The card I pulled related to childhood and nostalgia. What a ‘coincidence’ that it relates to recovering a sense of identity.
Daydreams and Documentaries
Thinking back on my childhood, I was as imaginative as the next child – daydreaming, tea parties with my teddies, backstories for my barbies, plushies and dolls. And yet, when I look back, it feels like the usual daydreams of a young child. It was only with my brother that I feel like my creativity grew and grounded. Maybe that’s because I remember more from that age, or maybe I’m attributing our childhood with the permission to call myself creative. You see, we created worlds and went on missions together. We were at war on his micromachine bases, underwater explorers in the pool, creators of worlds we could return to whether we were power rangers or ninjas. We wrote letters using the Gnommish alphabet in Artemis Fowl. We longed for powers like in Dragon Ball and eventually Misfits.
Sure, I was still happy in my own world of make-believe. Probably still when it was considered too old to play and imagine. But as I got older, I knew that I wasn’t skilled at drawing or painting (my art marks in school are a testament to this). So, I looked for ways to express creativity using different tools. I remember getting a household computer and the sound of dial-up internet. I loved Microsoft Paint and creating messy art that no one would see. I willingly explored Mircrosoft Word, figuring out how to make borders and clip art headings. I enthusiastically made PowerPoint presentations on my dog, Jack Russells, hedgehogs, and family and friends. I used sound effects and animations, choosing different slide transitions that were timed so it created a mini ‘film’.
Living with my grandparents growing up meant we watched a lot of the TV that they wanted to watch. And with my grandfather, that was documentaries on National Geographic and History channels (back when they aired actual documentaries and not reality TV styled shows). Many of our conversations revolved around ancient civilisations, the animals who roamed our continent, the wonders of the marine world, people who changed the world, and different wars. I think back to David Attenborough narrating or watching Jane Goodall and Steve Irwin, and how I fell more in love with the natural world with every documentary I watched. Maybe it was because of this upbringing I became curiosity driven. I didn’t know what I wanted to be growing, they were my heroes and icons.
From Old Gnommish to an Unexpected PhD
And from there I did a young marine biologist course in high school, then studied zoology in university. Ultimately, ending in the environmental sphere. I love research and collating the information into reports.
I had to do a chemistry course at University, but I didn’t do study it in school. My Masters and then PhD was centred on geology and soils, though I never took Geology as a major. For years, I saw my PhD struggles as proof my curiosity had led me astray. Yes, I chose to follow it. Yes, I chose the unknown paths. But I inevitably always wondered why. The thorns, gravel, fallen trees, and rock falls along the path hurt. And for a long, long time I sat in a cave, afraid to continue with my PhD journey.
In times of pain, when the future is too terrifying to contemplate and the past too painful to remember, I have learned to pay attention to right now. ~ Julia Cameron. The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity.
And when I did leave the cave, and asked for help, I submitted my Doctorate while living in a different country, on a different continent, learning a different language – because my path won’t ever be the usual, known one.
Curiosity Killed the Cat, but Storytelling Brought it Back
As a family we are avid readers, primarily fiction. My brother would start a series, and pass the book onto my mother, who would pass it onto me. We would discuss plots, writing styles, moan about characters and admit to parts we skimmed over. We have lived 1000 lives together. Nowadays, living far from them, I read about folklore and mythology and listen to history podcasts for pleasure. I google things that interest me, and that’s a long list.
I often resented my curiosity because I felt like I had no purpose, no singular burning desire that directed my life. Not only that, but I felt like it killed my soul. And it is only recently, and maybe it is the opening of my heart and mind reading The Artist’s Way, that I realise I was interested in the storytelling. I wanted to know Cleopatra’s story and the family of meerkats on Meerkat Manor. I love rereading the stories of Gods. I enjoy working out and learning the motives behind and reasons for people behaving the way they did. And perhaps, if I hadn’t struggled with my PhD, I wouldn’t have this blog or be on this artist way. And maybe, the words I have can encourage just one person to leave the cave and trust the rest of the path gets better. Perhaps, it was in the cave that I learned to tell my own story.
The reward for attention is always healing. ~ Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity
10 Lives, 1 Me Shows the Curious Child Still Inside
An assignment from last week, that carried through to this week, was to identify imaginary lives you would love to lead (when money, fear, prejudices or other limitations didn’t play a role). I could imagine being an archaeologist / palaeontologist, marine biologist / conservationist, documentary filmmaker, ballerina, professor / researcher, writer, Jedi, healer, alchemist, witch, explorer / traveller.
Looking at this list, I see a finder (of fossils, stories, magic) and storyteller (through content, dance, research). In many ways, I feel lighter being on this artist way.
The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight. The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention. ~ Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity
Here’s to writing, creating, and trusting that delight is enough. After all, the child who wrote in Gnommish already knew that.
You will learn that it is actually easier to write than not write, paint than not paint, and so forth. You will learn to enjoy the process of being a creative channel and to surrender your need to control the result. You will discover the joy of practicing your creativity. The process, not the product, will become your focus. ~ Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity
Writing this while listening to my time for yourself playlist on Spotify.
Saving the messages I receive while on The Artist’s Way over on Pinterest: The Artists Way Synchronicities.
